We’ve all been there. You feel like you’ve tried EVERYTHING, and nothing seems to stop the problem behavior. Whether it’s physical aggression, blurting out, or refusing to complete tasks, it feels like nothing works. So you start asking yourself: Why does this problem behavior keep happening?

Here’s the thing: the behavior keeps happening because, on some level, it’s working for the child.

What do I mean by that? Problem behaviors are often a way for a child to meet a need. They might be blurting out to get attention, refusing tasks to avoid something they find too hard, or acting out because they’re overwhelmed. Even if the behavior isn’t the best way to get their needs met, it might be the only way they know how in the moment.

When a child sees that their behavior “works” (like getting out of a tough assignment or gaining your attention), they’re more likely to use it again in the future. Over time, this can create a cycle where the behavior becomes more frequent—and sometimes even more intense.

So, what can you do?

The first step is understanding the why behind the behavior. What need is the child trying to meet? Once you figure that out, you can work on helping them meet that need in a more positive way.

For example:

• If a child is blurting out to get attention, look for ways to give them attention when they raise their hand or wait patiently.
• If a child is refusing a task because it feels too hard, try breaking it into smaller steps, offering encouragement along the way, or finding ways to make the task more engaging.

It’s also important to remember that change takes time. There’s no quick fix, and you might hit some bumps along the way. But by focusing on what the child needs and how to meet those needs in healthier ways, you’re setting them up for success.

With patience, consistency, and plenty of positive reinforcement, you can help children develop the skills they need to thrive.